4th day of August 2010
August 4, 2010 Psalm 37: 4, 7
It has been another important day in my life.
Today’s revelation of the Lord to me was about the discipline in waiting. It was not a surprise to me at all – knowing that yes, I am waiting for someone. I have learned the differences of the meaning of waiting as a waste of time and as a necessary discipline. Of course who would have wanted to be discipline? But the grace of the Lord had just poured out on me this day.
Five days before today’s revelation, I have left a word that I wouldn’t ask about my status with the man I am in loved with, that I wouldn’t demand anything from because that just causes some fights between the two of us.
This day, I learned many things about the connection of waiting and discipline. I thought both of us were heading the right way. Yes, we are in love, we care for each other. But things just don’t seem right. I learned to fall in love with this man February 2008. The feelings just get stronger as I have been with him for two years and half years. There were fights, misunderstandings, and exchanges of hurtful statements. There were tears, laughter. But the status remains the same – no commitment. We have been praying for this.
But today, it was different. There was just a sudden decision which I think I should do and it is by praying. In the wee hours of August 5 I had a walk with the Lord. Prior to my time with the Lord, I told my special someone to also pray just for the two of us before he goes to sleep. It was unusual for me to ask him to pray about the two of us. It was a selfish thing to demand to pray for us – no other people’s issues must be in our prayer. As I could call it, it was our “Happy’s Prayer with the Lord”.
And so I also did praying. I sat down; I prepared my Bible, pen and notebook present. I took a deep breath and suddenly wonder what to pray for first. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me that time. I opened my Bible with no verse to read about. Then, a pause – Psalm 37 popped out in my mind for there I could read the verse about waiting upon the Lord.
I began praying, this time I am talking to the Lord with no pretentions. I really didn’t know at first how to begin my prayer as if I am asked to make a public speaking. Gradually, I continued with my business with the Lord. I asked forgiveness for the sins that I made – intentionally and unintentionally. I asked for his healing and restoration. Suddenly, tears started flowing. I couldn’t stop it. My heart was just bursting everything to the Lord. I can imagine walking and talking with Him in a beautiful, quiet garden. When I started crying like to little child, I can imagine the Lord, taking me for a seat in one of the benches in the garden.
There I was, talking to him in a normal way of conversation that I do with people here on earth. It was just comforting to know that I have a God whom I could always turn to with these difficult times in my life.
I remember thanking the Lord for the opportunity of that kind of experience – to have a conversation with Him with all the time that we want to. No charge – unlimited! In exchange of that was a renewal of our soul, our mind, our perspectives in life that could change our decision making in life!
I am really blessed with the experience that I have with the Lord. Now, what happened with my “Happy’s Prayer with the Lord”? I sincerely and honestly asked God’s forgiveness, healing and restoration. I asked for his guidance towards me to resist the itch that I still have. I had a covenant with the Lord regarding my relationship with my special someone. I told God that this man that I’m in loved with is the man I want to pray for, the man I want to be with despite of his shortcomings, imperfections.
I told God that I will discipline myself with all the lifestyle that I have, that I will grow not like a lady but a woman who pleases Him. I told God to get rid of the bitterness that I have with “past” things, people, events in our lives. Yet I still told God not to let go of me despite of my stubbornness. That with these all the things I have laid down for Him, I need His help.
I know I already have my presents in the “garage”, but I just chose not to open it yet because I have other things to do without Him. It was not a good feeling at all that when you received Christ as your Lord in your life, there will still come a time that you’d feel you wouldn’t need Him.
I told God how sorry I was for hurting Him. To have an “on-off” switch in my life. That every time I choose to sin I would just turned off His Lordship over me. I want to have an On-Switch button in my life for that is the better decision that I could do. This day I have learned that in our capability to make decision doesn’t depend on between what’s good and bad.
There is something far beyond that and that is choosing what is good and better. I thought I know what’s good for me but the Lord has offered me to choose what is better! (I would not forget this day. It has been an encounter with the Lord and I wouldn’t like to miss another experience with the Lord. This has not something to do with “my” feelings or emotions because I know that this experience is a revelation of the Lord for me.)
It has been another important day in my life.
Today’s revelation of the Lord to me was about the discipline in waiting. It was not a surprise to me at all – knowing that yes, I am waiting for someone. I have learned the differences of the meaning of waiting as a waste of time and as a necessary discipline. Of course who would have wanted to be discipline? But the grace of the Lord had just poured out on me this day.
Five days before today’s revelation, I have left a word that I wouldn’t ask about my status with the man I am in loved with, that I wouldn’t demand anything from because that just causes some fights between the two of us.
This day, I learned many things about the connection of waiting and discipline. I thought both of us were heading the right way. Yes, we are in love, we care for each other. But things just don’t seem right. I learned to fall in love with this man February 2008. The feelings just get stronger as I have been with him for two years and half years. There were fights, misunderstandings, and exchanges of hurtful statements. There were tears, laughter. But the status remains the same – no commitment. We have been praying for this.
But today, it was different. There was just a sudden decision which I think I should do and it is by praying. In the wee hours of August 5 I had a walk with the Lord. Prior to my time with the Lord, I told my special someone to also pray just for the two of us before he goes to sleep. It was unusual for me to ask him to pray about the two of us. It was a selfish thing to demand to pray for us – no other people’s issues must be in our prayer. As I could call it, it was our “Happy’s Prayer with the Lord”.
And so I also did praying. I sat down; I prepared my Bible, pen and notebook present. I took a deep breath and suddenly wonder what to pray for first. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me that time. I opened my Bible with no verse to read about. Then, a pause – Psalm 37 popped out in my mind for there I could read the verse about waiting upon the Lord.
I began praying, this time I am talking to the Lord with no pretentions. I really didn’t know at first how to begin my prayer as if I am asked to make a public speaking. Gradually, I continued with my business with the Lord. I asked forgiveness for the sins that I made – intentionally and unintentionally. I asked for his healing and restoration. Suddenly, tears started flowing. I couldn’t stop it. My heart was just bursting everything to the Lord. I can imagine walking and talking with Him in a beautiful, quiet garden. When I started crying like to little child, I can imagine the Lord, taking me for a seat in one of the benches in the garden.
There I was, talking to him in a normal way of conversation that I do with people here on earth. It was just comforting to know that I have a God whom I could always turn to with these difficult times in my life.
I remember thanking the Lord for the opportunity of that kind of experience – to have a conversation with Him with all the time that we want to. No charge – unlimited! In exchange of that was a renewal of our soul, our mind, our perspectives in life that could change our decision making in life!
I am really blessed with the experience that I have with the Lord. Now, what happened with my “Happy’s Prayer with the Lord”? I sincerely and honestly asked God’s forgiveness, healing and restoration. I asked for his guidance towards me to resist the itch that I still have. I had a covenant with the Lord regarding my relationship with my special someone. I told God that this man that I’m in loved with is the man I want to pray for, the man I want to be with despite of his shortcomings, imperfections.
I told God that I will discipline myself with all the lifestyle that I have, that I will grow not like a lady but a woman who pleases Him. I told God to get rid of the bitterness that I have with “past” things, people, events in our lives. Yet I still told God not to let go of me despite of my stubbornness. That with these all the things I have laid down for Him, I need His help.
I know I already have my presents in the “garage”, but I just chose not to open it yet because I have other things to do without Him. It was not a good feeling at all that when you received Christ as your Lord in your life, there will still come a time that you’d feel you wouldn’t need Him.
I told God how sorry I was for hurting Him. To have an “on-off” switch in my life. That every time I choose to sin I would just turned off His Lordship over me. I want to have an On-Switch button in my life for that is the better decision that I could do. This day I have learned that in our capability to make decision doesn’t depend on between what’s good and bad.
There is something far beyond that and that is choosing what is good and better. I thought I know what’s good for me but the Lord has offered me to choose what is better! (I would not forget this day. It has been an encounter with the Lord and I wouldn’t like to miss another experience with the Lord. This has not something to do with “my” feelings or emotions because I know that this experience is a revelation of the Lord for me.)
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