why doubt if you have faith?

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credits
Matthew 14:31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said,“why did you doubt?”



I have an issue of being a worrier. I worry a lot. I think a lot. 
think+worry=me and I know that's not what God wants me to be.  

So why worry if I have a big GOD?

I have prepared myself yesterday to get my grades in school. Standing in a verrrrrrrrry looooong line, patiently I waited before I could head on to the person in-charge with all the manual processing of releasing the grades. Suddenly, I felt something that I don't want to feel in that situation - butterflies in my heart! So I stopped and prayed, "Lord, please let me see a passing grade."

And there my grades are! PRAISE THE LORD! I passed all the subjects! What a relief! THANK YOU LORD!

Next step:  Check the Schedule for Summer Classes.

I went to the enrollment area and saw thicker lines of students.  Schedules for the subjects were projected.  I sat down and waited for the specific subjects that I need to take for summer.  I was hoping that my schedule would fit for my summer commitments.  Down up to the last subject, I was losing hope.

"Shall I quit?"
"Shall I continue?"
"What if...?"
"How can I....?"

Those were the questions I asked, not knowing to whom those questions were addressed.  I ended up thinking and worrying - again.

How can I have my summer tutorial if my schedule would be like that?
How can I teach and be a VBS teacher if I have classes at the same time?
How can I earn enough to support my tuition fee?

But the Lord rebuked me last night telling me to "Be still, and know that I am God."(Psalm 46:10)

"Father, forgive me for doubting you. I am calling you Father yet I act like I am not Yours.  I do things on my own with my own strength, forgive me Father."

I almost have gone crazy last night of what to do. Coco told me to stop worrying for it will not help me in any way.  It was as if he doesn't care for me at that time but at the back of my mind I know that he is right.  We believe in the same God. We worship the same God but our faith differs.  I admire him on how close his relationship is with the Lord.  I admire him how firm he was as he said those words.  Encouragements which I've heard several times yet I still turn back, think, worry and do things on my own.  "My faith is like shifting sands." :(

"Father, I am going to sleep now.  I don't know what will happen tomorrow.  Just let me have a good sleep."

And everything was shut down.

I opened my eyes and paused, "What day is it? What time is it now?" Then I realized that it's another day that the Lord has made. "Thank You Lord."

I tried not to think too hard to solve my worries yesterday. "Today is the day that the Lord has made."



I remember the wallpaper I made for my phone, and I hold on to it.

In my devotion, God taught me to be thankful in everything! "Oh Lord, what are You going to reveal to me this time?"

What do I worry today? Money for my tuition fee. How can I finance myself today for my enrollment?  Will I receive some blessings today or not?

And then I again the Lord rebuked me:“You of little faith,” He said,“why did you doubt?”


yaaaaaaaaaaaay! I can enroll for my summer class!!!


Excitedly, I told Coco about the blessing I received and he just told me "See..."


On my knees, I was so embarrassed to the One whom I'm calling Lord, my Father, my Provider, my Comforter.


O me of little faith.


Probably the Lord is asking me the same question as He did with Ms. LJ:


"My child, when will you ever learn to fully trust me?  Have I not shown you enough? Have I not proven what I can do? Have I ever failed you?"


"Forgive me Father for being blind in spite of all the blessings that You have given me.  Forgive me Father for doubting even if You've proven Your power and sovereignty several times in my life.  Forgive me Father for worrying even if I know that I am more important than the birds in the air and the grass in the field.  Forgive me, break me Father, I always try to do things with my own strength knowing that YOU ARE THE GOD WHO IS THE STRENGTH OF OUR HEARTS... "

Although I doubt at things, people, situations several times, there is one truth that I won't doubt at all: GOD IS A LIVING GOD.

I still pray the same prayer "Help me finish well, Father."

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