empty no more...

January 18, 2008, its a date I will never forget. Its the day when it seems that everything falls into pieces and places.

An unsettled issue was burning on fire that I could feel the heat, the pain, and hatred of a close friend towards me. I can feel the pain yet I couldn't speak, only to end up our conversation with "hindi ko na kailangan i-defend ang sarili ko" ("i don't need to defend myself anymore"). I know I caused her the pain, in addition to the that statement which I myself doesn't want to tell her.
My heart was bursting from pain, and guilt. I stand with my false statements leaving those words made form lie.

After the confrontation, I know I really made a mistake. I couldn't take it back instead I must prepare myself for its consequences. I couldn't take the burden that I feel that time. Sometimes, you need to shut your mouth for you to function well. It was not just a simple argument. It means a lot. Its a serious problem I need to settle with ---- but not on that day.

Now here comes a special friend who introduce me to God. He enlightened my mind and most importantly my heart. He was used by God to save me, to allow myself to surrender everything to God. I remember when I said "I feel empty", it was the clear words that made me realized how sinful I was (I am – for no one is perfect and living a life without sin).

That emptiness fills me up with the Word of God, His promises to us which we usually ignore and even sometimes take for granted. I know everything has a purpose. God uses situations in our lives for us to know Him more and surrender everything to Him. We do not need to carry our sins and live with it, instead, we must learn how to admit our sins and confess that sins to the Authority. He is Great for He will let us feel that we are forgiven.

Emptiness leads me to know God more. I allowed Him to fill up that emptiness with an everlasting life and love, and that's the time I was born again and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior.