its over now...

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Why did you come out again from my mind? Again? You still haunt me even up to this very moment. You made me cry again. You brought back those happy memories that we had together with tears of regret.


If we fight for our love before, what woudl you think are we in right now? For years I have been learning about life. I thought I know better this time. I thought you'll be my forever hero, protector, handkerchief to wipe off my tears. You were always there to guide me, command me to behave and act like a lady. For years I hold on to this feeling. The kind of affection that was supposed to be thrown away, far from my heart.


You keep hurting me until now. Why do we need to end up this way? To allow hatred and anger grow more for you. I hate you! You still allow myself to cry silently in this place.


Am i not really capable of loving you? Or do I only love myself? Or maybe I just loved you so much that I forgot how to love myself?


You were once my life, my world. For years I let my life flow where your life was heading. I wasn't expecting the possibilities that we'll end up this way, too sad, too frustrating.


Now here I am, lost, still searching for my life, my heart that you took away from me. Do really lovers from the past can still be friends? Or they could just end up being strangers?


Our long distance relationship was a terrible sacrifice. I gave up my heart, my life, everything that I own. Should I be called stupid? I had no questions at all because I loved you, but now, after realizing that at that very moment, that night, you've shown me the kind of person I never thought that you would be. You've shown me no respect, no love, no chance. You've shown me how weak I was, how stupid I was. You didn't care about my feelings. The pain and disappointment collide that I cannot even defend myself. There I was, silently crying while picking up each and every pieces of my heart.


You destroyed my life. You took advantage on my feelings, I can't imagine that the person I used to adore and love so much would become a total stranger to me. THINGS HAPPENED SO EASILY FOR YOU.


You've hurt me so much, too painful in exchange of loving you. Now I know, that I will move on, forgive and forget everything between us, for I know everything has its own purpose in this world, and the memory of you, of us ---- is over.(august 8, 2007@my room in Washington Hotel, Japan)

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