We will see you again Papa

         I received a text message from my father this morning.  It was an open book in my life that I am a product of a broken family.  My father was asking me when are we (together with my 2 sisters) going to Alabat, Quezon; that he's just fine and that I was not texting him anymore.  It sounded like he misses us that much. 
        Recently, I just learned how to be open with my mom regarding my opinions, feelings, suggestions, and some problems.  And as I was trying to be open with her, I forwarded my father's message to her and to my sisters, as I assumed that they have the need to know about my father's situation.  And as I was writing this down, I have cried already.  My sister replied asking for the next plans which I myself couldn't answer yet because of the purpose of just letting them know that papa sent me a message.

        Surprisingly, my mother also sent me a message.  I expected that she would react too much but way far than I expected earlier.  I anticipated that she would inject some scanarios regarding from the past. 
        My father wasn't a good provider for us.  I couldn't remember even a single memory from my past as to how he would let us have our family day.  But my father was good in the house, doing carpentry stuff, putting everything in organize manner.  He is also good in drawing.  I remember a time when he was like an architect drawing a house with full details in it.  I asked him whose house was that? and he answered me that it will be ours in the future.

       And that future is now.  Present.  We are presently renting a house without him. Indeed, separated from him.  And that house? I don't know... it has been gone with the wind together with my memories with him when I was still a kid.

      Going back, my mother reacted not so good and positive.  She told me some reasons and yes, I understand her reasons.  But what a daughter tried to tell her was our right as children.  I told my mom that, we are not in hurry to visit my father in the province knowing that it isn't like the travel time that we have going to Batangas.  I told her my sentiments that, I somehow wanted to feel how to have a father, to be with our father just for a day.  That all of her sacrifices will still be recognized.  I just wanted to visit my father for a reason that he is still our father even if he abandoned us.

    I told her that I honestly don't know how's the feeling of having a father and I was just asking my mom to give us that chance to visit our father.  If asked when, I don't know. But the yearning of father's company, I believe is also important.

   I told her that whatever happened in the past was already done.  We can no longer to back from those lapses anymore.  We can't always look back at my father's flaws because it happened for a reason.  The Lord did that for a reason and I believe that God's purpose for doing that was good. 

   I love my parents. I love my sisters.  I love my family even if our parents no longer live together. 

   Personally, this situation right now is one of the hardest situation for me.  I used to neglect this fact that, we still have a father who wishes to visit him someday.  That he still have daughters.  I no longer ask for more, for my parents to get back together again.  We tried it before but it didn't work out.  I already accepted that fact couple of years ago, from the time that they got separated when I was in 3rd grade.

    I am wishing that, someday, we will see and visit our father again.  It's a simple wish from a daughter who wasn't able to be with her father for long time.

   But the good news is, even if papa was not successful in his part of being a father for us, I have a Heavenly Father whom I don't see yet I can always turn to, to share my tears with, who listens with my sentiments, and most importantly who continuously loving me.