The Five-Gallon Container

When we apologize, we accept responsibility for our behavior, seeking to make amends with the person who was offended.  Genuine apology opens the door to the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation.  Then we can continue to build the relationship.  Without apology, the offense sits as a barrier, and the quality of the relationship is diminished.  Good relationships are always marked by a willingness to apologize, forgive, and reconcile.  The reason many relationships are cold and distant is because we have failed to apologize.

Sincere apologies also assuage a guilty conscience.  Picture your conscience as a five-gallon container strapped to your back.  Whenever you wrong another, it’s like pouring a gallon of liquid into your conscience.  Three or four wrongs and your conscience is getting full – and you are getting heavy.  A full conscience leaves one with a sense of guilt and shame.  The only way to effectively empty the conscience is to apologize to God and the person you offended.  When this is done.  You can look God in the face, you can look yourself in the mirror, and you can look the other person in their eyes; not because you are perfect but because you have been willing to take responsibility for your failure.

We may or may not have learned the art of apologizing when we were children.  In healthy families, parents teach their children to apologize.  However, many children grow up in dysfunctional families where hurt, anger, and bitterness are a way of life and no one ever apologizes.

(quoted from the book 5 languages of apology pp.21-22)